The Concieved Hostage
My
little girl is being held hostage. I must comply with every demand of her abductor. I must pay any amount of money that’s
demanded of me down to my last nickel. I must surrender all of my property down to the last stick of furniture. I must account
for - where I live, where I work, what I’m paid, what I buy, where I buy it; for all intents and purposes, I must account
to the abductor for every move I make. I must do things and allow things to be done to me that, if my love for my little girl
was not being used to manipulate me, my self-respect and dignity as a man would not allow me to stand for. And yet, all this
I would continue to endure as long as I could see my daughter, or have the slightest say concerning decisions about her life,
and upbringing. But, I endure all this without having laid eyes on her, or without knowledge of where she is, or what she
is doing for the past 4 years. So, who is the person that is holding my little girl hostage? My little girl’s mother.
And, who is the accomplice that has given her the power to commit this violent act? The family law system in America.
What’s it
like to have someone that you love more than life itself used to torture you? Imagine the most beautiful, innocent miracle
that God ever gave you being used as a pawn to destroy you. But, at the same time, imagine also thanking God that she is gratefully
and, mercifully unaware of this. All she knows is the love her daddy has for her. And, even though you know this love will
be what’s used to draw you to your destruction, your helpless to stop it, because she is your heart. Imagine living
in constant worry. Worry that the next letter in the mail, or the next phone call, or the next family court hearing, will
bear the news that without proof, or witnesses, or due process, they’ve once again believed the abductor’s lies,
and they’ve decided to do what’s “best for the child” and not let you see her anymore. Imagine spending
every waking moment worrying if your child is okay, because even though she may not intend direct harm to her, her blind desire
for vengeance against you is more important to the abductor than anything, even your child’s well-being or safety. Imagine
constantly being tortured by your child’s laugh, or the way she squints her eyes when she didn’t understand what
you said. These are the true riches of life, but not when they repeat over and over again in your dreams at night, and the
dream always ends as a nightmare when your child is taken from you forever. Imagine the demoralization you feel when, despite
the proof you have showing your side to be true, the abductor has won the thousandth custody hearing, or you’ve spent
another week in jail, or you’ve been driven to financial ruin because you’ve spent your last cent fighting a biased,
corrupt system where the outcome was predetermined before you even started. Yet, at the same time, she has had a free lawyer
and every possible assistance free from day one.
But, worst of
all, imagine the loathing you feel for yourself because, after years of the inhuman battering you’ve taken from this
corrupt, nightmarish system, you’ve grown tired, and the thought of giving up creeps into your mind. You beat yourself
up because, as much as you love your child, you can’t believe you would even contemplate this. Protecting one’s
children is the most powerful instinct a parent has, but self-preservation is also the strongest instinct a human being has.
Imagine what it’s like to be placed in the position where you must agonize between these two choices daily - they take
your house, but you fight, they take your car, but you fight, they take your life savings, but you fight, they take every
piece of property you own, but you fight, they take your livelihood because, when you didn’t show up to work because
you were sitting in jail on false charges, you got fired, but you fight. They take everything, but you keep fighting because
you can’t allow them to take what’s most precious to you - your child.
But, in the back of your mind you know that if you continue resisting them, they’ll eventually take
the final toll - your freedom or your life. How? Because you’ll eventually come to the point where you won’t be
able to stand the tyranny of this corrupt, biased system any longer, and you’ll do something desperate. Or, they’ll
eventually make one of the false charges stick by matter of simple inundation. And then, they’ll put you in prison or
the graveyard (same difference to me). And, if this does happen, they’ll attribute it to your mental instability, or
to your being a bad man, or to your being violent. But, they will never allow themselves to recognize that the true responsibility
for this reaction rests not on you, but on them, by virtue of a corrupt, mercilessly tyrannical system that backs a man into
a corner until he’s left with no option but to give up, or come out swinging.
I don’t think my feelings, thoughts, or reactions to this situation are wrong, or any different than
any man who loves his child would be. I think any man who’s gone through what I’ve gone through for the last four
years would feel exactly the same way. No, the real bad and wrong in this is in a system that would condone this immorality,
and in officials that would allow it to continue despite the blatant evidence of injustice staring them in the face. In life,
a man might be put into many situations where he must choose between his own life or his child’s, and in my case, if
it did come down to that final decision, I know what my choice would be. But, for a man to be forced into a position where
he must be tormented daily by this heavy burden, not because he was dealt that hand by fate, or by destiny, or by divine choice,
but by a corrupt system that levied this burden based solely on bias, lies, and vacuity of conscience, is literally, the very
same cruelty and violence this system claims to be protecting women from. But, then again, for many of the “unbiased”
officials who comprise this “fair” family law system in America, that’s the ultimate goal - recompense for
what they believe to be the collective, retroactive debt owed to women for either actual, or perceived wrongs committed against
them by men through the ages.
But, I’ve been put in this position, and I’ve been given only two choices - fight a biased
and corrupt family law system against which a man has no chance, and end up destitute, in jail, or in the graveyard, or abandon
my little girl and the abductor will no longer have the power to control me, but lose my soul, and bear a punishment from
my own heart for the rest of my life that anything this system could do to me could not compare to. Is it right that when
man separates from the mother of his children, he is given only these two choices? Any decent human being with an ounce of
compassion can give the correct answer to that; which is why I’ll continue to fight. When it comes to my daughter, I
have no choice anyway, it’s my heart that controls me. I could no more stop loving her than I could stop breathing.
I could no more keep her from my thoughts than I could keep food from my mouth. No one knows the future. And, what will eventually
happen in my situation is up to the judge of all. But, I know one thing above all, there was no section on the “father
application” that required me to be perfect, and I have my flaws like everyone else, but through God’s miraculous
gift of compassion to me, I became her daddy. And, I will love her, and I will be there for her, and no one, neither this
system, nor the court, nor her mother, nor anyone can or will ever change that.
The above is a sample of the grief NM fathers are put through in the
NM family law system. Does anyone care?
John Alvarez
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I have added a blog to this site. Please
feel free to add your comments related to family law issues, or your personal experience with the family law system.
